AVOID AT ALL COSTS

Now let's be honest, everyone every year has those songs that you recommend missing. Whether it's from fear of falling asleep (aaaah it's Iris from 2012) or damn right fear of the performance (yes, I'm referring to the trojan horse - at least I think it was. Sadly Barack Obama didn't jump out and join in with the rapping. I think it was rapping. Who even remembers this!?!?!?).

This year I have selected 3 songs for which all have something in common...yes there are bland ballads, but I believe there are 3 performances which are much worse than having to be rudely awoken because someone has finished singing (as I am sure will happen with Despina's 'An Me Thymassi' from Cyprus - let's rest assure Cyprus won't go bankrupt for hosting the 2014 contest).

1. Montenegro

Sorry Montenegro. I have nothing against Montenegro, I reassure you. I wasn't expecting anything special after the disaster that was Euro Neuro, but I wasn't expecting it to get worse! How do you get worse from worse!?!?!?!?! I would start talking about composition and lyrics but I'm afraid there are none. This is a worse mix of things going on than the Social Network Song. Ok that is probably very harsh. Montenegro are represented by Igranka and the song "Who See". I think that is the right way round. The song could be called Igranka for all I'm aware. I haven't really looked too much into this in fear that I'll lose the definition of music. Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty big fan of house music. And I like my dubstep. But this is just a complete failure of an attempt at getting some skanking going on. Someone tell what is going on?

See for yourself. If this qualifies, I'll eat my shoes.

2. Belgium

The Belgians are this year represented by Roberto Bellarosa and the song Love Kills. Well something is being killed, I'm unsure if it's love but I'm fairly confident a cat might be. Okay Roberto doesn't sound like a cat being strangled, but has he ever had singing lessons? Even a little vocal coaching would surely help? Admittedly he has been getting better but his singing is just atrocious. How on earth can he represent his country in the biggest singing competition in the world!? And where are Belgium finding these kids? Some pressing questions I would like answered by a Belgian please! Yes, choosing a kid has worked. Tom Dice had that stunning song in 2010 "Me and My Guitar", but after the nightmare that was Iris and her empty house from last year, you'd of thought the Belgians would have tried harder in selecting a representative. This is on the international stage after all. Like with Montenegro though, I feel it fitting to mention that I definitely have nothing against Belgium, just some poor selection choices.

3. Romania

Probably the scariest thing I've ever seen in Eurovision. Well the scariest thing I've ever heard in Eurovision. Romania have a 100% qualifying record in the ESC. You can kiss that goodbye - I recommend ear plugs if you want to listen to this. I joked about cats being strangled when talking about Roberto, I joke no more. Those poor cats. What did Romania do to them? This is Cezar and "It's My Life".

WELL GOOD LUCK to my toilet breaks from this year's contest. I'm sure you'll do "just fine".

Belgium - 2012

Iris - Would You

Before I get started, I want to make you all know that I am fully aware this isn't that much of a popular song, and that yes, it's not the best. But I really enjoy it! I think this song is really nice, and really enjoy listening to. I know pretty much all of the words. Someone correctly pointed out that lyrcially, there is an issue. She is 17, singing about things that usually, 17 years old don't really know about. For example, "What would you do if my house was empty?" How many 17 year olds exactly own a house? It's a deep love song, and yes, it's another ballad. That is another huge problem. The fact is, Iris doesn't have the same depth in her ballad as say Pastora Soler or Sabina Babayeva. However, if her voice was more experienced and she was naturally older, this would be a much better song and would seem much more fitting. Wrong song at the wrong time I'm afraid. But despite all of that, I do really enjoy listening to this, and it is well written.

After watching some live clips of Iris, I don't think she will set the world alive, and performing half way through the first semi final probably means she will have a tough battle in front of her. Apart from that AMAZING song by Tom Dice in 2010, and that one that got beat by a single point in 2003, Belgium have failed to set the world on fire in Eurovision in the 00's. So I can't see this qualifying. But Good Luck to Iris. I'm hoping she can really pull it out the bag!

Song Rating: 7/10
Liklihood to win: 2/10

Current odds: 150-1                   (oddschecker.com) (on average)