The Return of Ralph.

Yes, you read that right, San Marino.

Fair enough, the Netherlands have had a rough ride. But it's still the Dutch. San Marino provide the greater shock. Despite being an old country, they have a population of a mere 32,000 (according to sources) and have only been competing in Eurovision since 2008. Admittedly this is the same amount of time as Azerbaijan (winners, and last year's hosts), but they are a bigger, richer country. This is San Marino! The country which gave us the Social Network Song. Yes, remember that? Well the girl woman that sung the Social Network Song, Valentina Monetta, is back with a bigger, better song. And guess what? It's not good, it's brillaint.

The Social Network Song was wrong for all the right reasons. 'Crisalide (vola)' is right for all the right reasons. And guess who wrote Crisalide? Ralph Siegel. For those of you who don't know who Ralph Siegel is, just type his name into google. He is one of the biggest stars of Eurovision, composing songs since the 70's (that is 5 decades now!) but only has 1 win under his name - 1982 winner Nicole and 'Ein Bisschen Frieden', notably one of the greatest songs & winners in Eurovision history. Yes he did happen to pen the Social Network Song last year - and yes that did follow in a line of poor attempts - but he is back to strike again with Crisalide. Valentina is now acting her age, Siegel has screwed his head back on, and San Marino are ready to finally come to Eurovision with a decent song - and that has meant a decent chance.

It's hard to predict if they could win. If you listen to the song, you'll see why people like it and fans are voting for it in online polls. Without knowing the meaning in the lyrics, they are moving and emotive, and the composition really pulls this through. From a slow ballad to a modern beat/melody, a song like this has potential to branch into acapella/acoustic and become a club smash hit. The key word there is 'potential'. Crisalide is a song to be remembered - even if it underperforms, fans will remember it as an upset. But that's not why this will be remembered. It's Valentina Monetta transforming from a Social Network disaster to a Crisalide masterpiece. It's Ralph Siegel restoring his old Eurovision power. It's San Marino putting themselves on the map.

By the way, San Marino is situated in the North of Italy.

San Marino - 2012

Valentina Monetta. The Social Network Song. Oh Oh Uh Oh Oh.

I... I um... Yeah... What the... IS THIS EVEN A SONG!??? What on earth is this? I have never heard such Eurovision nonsense in all my time. I mean, is this serious? Or is this meant to be a novelty act? All apologies to Valentina Monetta for sounding rude, but oh my days, I can't even comprehend this. THIS ISN'T A SONG. It is someone singing about a certain social networking website. I just don't even know how to describe it. You are seriously going to have to listen to it for yourself to make your own mind up. I mean, you have poor entries, you have awful, terrible entries, and you have novelty entries. And then, this year, you have this. Who made up the San Marino internal selection jury? Like, were they all drunk? Even if you were drunk, you still wouldn't be able to justify choosing this. They must have been high, that's it. OR, Valentina Monetta could have been the ONLY choice for representing San Marino, and so they wouldn't of had any choice but to pick her. Goodness knows, this is just something else. I recently complained about the Belgian entry, and how Iris sung about things which usually 17 years olds know nothing about. Well, this might be a bit ageist, but surely the same thing applies to this? I think Valentina is about 37...and "social networks" are generally used by students mostly, and so why on earth is a 37 year old going to sing about cybersex and Facebook? I just don't understand any of it. Nothing about this song is good. But, again, IT'S NOT EVEN A SONG! Do you know what though? I am praying that this will qualify. It would be absolutely hilarious! If it won, that would make me even happier. Literally, this is SOO FUNNY.

Song Rating: 0/10                     (IT'S NOT A SONG!)
Liklihood to win: 0/10              (Armenia and Poland have a greater chance of winning. Eurovision fans will know what that is funny).

Current odds: 250-1                   (oddschecker.com) (on average) (I know! ONLY 250 to 1)