Eurovision 2017 Song Review: UNITED KINGDOM

I think this is our 2nd best entry of the decade, behind Children of the Universe, and despite the hype for Molly in 2014, 17th was our final result. That was a shame really, but in all fairness, was everyone so excited because the BBC were finally doing something different in choosing an unsigned artist? They were tapping into that talent pool and while everyone wanted CotU to do well because of the song and because Molly was freaking awesome, I think everyone wanted to see the Beeb continue to tap into that unheard talent pool...

Welcome the return of the national final, and welcome Lucie Jones! I will confess that after having heard the six songs that were vying for the chance to represent us, I couldn't help but remember posting something on Twitter a while back asking for Ace Wilder to represent the UK. Ace actually liked that tweet and it got me all excited, which is a lot more to be said than the potential songs we were sending...
However, Lucie's performance at the NF was incredible. In fact it was better than that, it was literally insane. Her vocal is so powerful, strong and the emotional connection and the whole lot was just the shiiiiiiittttt..... Lucie wave my UK flag with all my pride...

Coming from the West End, Lucie does have the potential to bring a very powerful performance to the final stage at Eurovision this year. One could almost say a jury-sponge performance! While televoters will perhaps not be a thoroughly willing and entertained by Lucie, I think it would be sacrilege to see the UK finish bottom 5 again this year. In all honesty, I just don't want to finish in the bottom 5 so I hope it's not fruitless optimism. The revamp definitely revitalised for the 26-song show, and while I perhaps wish we were sending the amazing 7th Heaven Club Mix, I am so proud of Lucie and wish her all the best at Eurovision this year!

RATING:

My initial score: 7 (out of 12)

My current score: 8

My final prediction: 19th (will score higher with the JURY)

Eurovision 2017 Song Review: POLAND

Kasia Mos is such a lovely girl! She is stunning, has an incredibly powerful and interesting voice, and will bring a really great performance if the music video is anything to go by.

Flashlight though, borders on painfully dull and forgettable after just one listen. There was a time a while back when I really got into how dark the song was and how amazing this was going to be, and then I remembered that every other song of the same genre and qualities is doing Flashlight better. The biggest problem with this song is that it lacks a hook. I know that Kasia will bring it on the stage, and I have a feeling the staging will look amazing, but that should not quantify such a weak song.

I guess Poland are the real unknown quantity once again this year. Finishing last with the juries and third in the televote last year was perhaps one of my favourite things to happen in the 2016 season, and while I can totally see why that was the case, it would be foolish to think it could happen again. But seriously, is that going to happen again? 2014 was similar, but while the Polish diaspora will definitely vote this enough into the final, I can't see the juries qualifying Flashlight at all. Since their return to the contest Poland have been unprecedented automatic qualifiers. It would take a brave man to predict they won't qualify, and that brave man definitely isn't me...

RATING:

My initial score: 3 (out of 12)

My current score: 3

My semi-final prediction: 6th

My final prediction: 20th
(will score higher in the TELEVOTE)

Eurovision 2017 Song Review: BELARUS

Hollleeeerrrrrr we've got Belorussian at Eurovision for the first time everrrrr.... and that's our 62nd language to ever show it's face at the contest. What language do you reckon will be next? Whose keeping their fingers crossed for Kazakh? I'm so excited by the news that Kazakhstan will be broadcasting this year's contest, and here's hopeful for a debut in the near future! Hopefully a Kazakh debut will also shut up some Australian haters too. For clarity, Eurovision is NOT a solely European competition, something dating back to the 70s...

ANY HOOTS... What about this entry from Belarus huh? It's pretty god damn good if you ask me. It's so sweet and lovely, and it's good that some ethno folk will make an appearance on the Eurovision stage. 

I fear slightly for the live vocals if I'm completely honest though. The vocals are not the strongest and I can already hear them sound weaker on the stage... the shouting of "hey hey hey" is great in the studio, but I can't see it having a great impact on the stage as it will be drowned out by fan noise and the backing track. What Naviband have is tons of enthusiasm, a wonderful chemistry, and a song that while objectively might not be everyone's favourites, is at least different enough to be memorable on semi final night. There's a touch of Alphabeat about Naviband, and they had a fun quirkiness to compliment some catchy songs. Let's hope Naviband can replicate some of that...

This is a borderline qualifier at best though. SF2 is a bloodbath and predicting qualifiers is like predicting lotto numbers at the number. The difference in qualification will surely be in the performance of this one, because while it offers something traditional yet fresh, the genre might not lend itself to a jam-packed quality semi final with big performers and even bigger songs... especially for a country with a relatively poor qualification record.

I think the big thing on everyone's lips is where will the Belo douze go to this year? 

RATING:

My initial thoughts: 5 (out of 12)

My current score: 8

My semi-final prediction: 11th (agonisingly!)

(I think this will score higher in the TELEVOTE)

My final prediction if it does qualify: 14th-21st

Eurovision 2017 Song Review: GERMANY

When I heard 'Ghost' last year, I truly felt haunted. Haunted by such an awful song. My distaste for the German entrant last year was met with some nasty comments, but I don't think I over-exerted my dislike, nor did I seek to ruin the enjoyment that Ghost gave to others. The trolling I received after ranking it #42 out of 42 was therefore abhorrently unnecessary and it's not hard to see how drama, anger and wrath are fuelling in fandoms across social media platforms. But this is about Levina and Perfect Life, so a pedagogy of trolling shall perhaps be left to another day...


There are already calls that this is the favourite for dead last, and I can't help but agree. There are calls for a rip off of Titanium, and I can't help but agree. There are calls for this being the most underrated song of the year. And there is part of me that agrees. Ultimately, this song is a 'nothing' song. It's impact is dry, and that is maybe because there is nothing to wholly dislike about the song...while there is nothing to wholly like either. Levina seems lovely, and Perfect Life has an elegant charm to it. The vocal is distinct, but nothing special...it isn't showy, but then could it be? I fear the greatest downfall of Germany this year will be a complete lack of buzz for the entry. While Italy and France are bringing fan favourites; the UK is arguably vying for their best finish since 2011; Spain encompasses that 'Marmite' factor so much this year; and Ukraine are ensuring we still have some hard rock; leaving Germany bringing nothing to the automatic qualifiers and so arguably the most forgettable song in the grand final already this season... and we don't even know the semi-final qualifiers yet! I'd hate to call a last place finish entirely down to the draw for the final, especially without seeing the staging. But is the staging really going to elevate this? It's highly doubted. A first half draw will be a catalyst for immediate failure, while a second half draw could be the difference in a point or two, which might then be the difference between 25th and 26th.


I have been overwhelmingly negative about Perfect Life. It's a sweet entry, and I don't dislike it. But I don't dislike many songs in this year's contest...and perhaps that is why being so heavily critical is a great mistake. Germany might avoid finishing last for the third year in a row, and if they do, I apologise for being harsh once again!

Good Luck to Levina! I hope she nails it!


RATING:

My initial song rating: 4 (out of 12)

My current song rating: 4 

My final prediction: 26th (will score higher with the TELEVOTE)

Eurovision 2017 Song Review: ITALY

By the time the pre-contest was coming to a close last year I couldn't stop raving about Francesca Michielin. Nessun Grado Di Separazione was phenomenal. A true Eurovision masterpiece! And one year on, I'm still butthurt. It pains me to watch the staging of this... while it reflected the beauty of the lyrics and embodied Francesca's quaint personality, it is hard to ignore the slight apprehension in the final vocal, and all around the performance was underwhelming and a bit flat. That is me trying to be objective as possible because I still thought she was fucking awesome and deserved to win by miles.

Anyway... WHAT ON EARTH DO WE HAVE HERE?

The Winner of this year's Eurovision Song Contest. This is winning. I repeat, WINNING!

I would never have guessed that Italy would go on to become the undisputed favourite at Eurovision this year. I found Occidentalis Karma breathtakingly catchy upon first listen... The performance at San Remo was entertaining, memorable and the introduction of the gorilla left me bewildered but wanting more. And that perhaps is the most important element for a non-English song, from someone who speaks English and a little German at most. Francesco had me dancing and getting a hold of lyrics I simply didn't understand from the first listen. It's instant likeability and raspy vocal, performed with the cutest smile of the year, get me screaming NAMASTE ALLEZ and I didn't even know what he was singing about...

And then fast forward five minutes and I had looked up the lyrics...

IT'S FREAKING GENIUS

It's obnoxious in a humorous manner, it's symbolic and meaningful in a humorous manner, it's reflecting Anglicization in a humorous manner, and it's important... in a humorous manner. For me, Occidentalis Karma had everything going for it. But as I mentioned above, I didn't see this being the sole favourite... and this is perhaps why there is doubt as to whether Italy will actually... and more important "finally"... pull off victory this year.

But the negatives to the song need to be addressed:

• There is difficulty in translating the meaning to audiences not understanding Italian.
• A simple gorilla gimmick might not work for juries and televoters if other favourites have masterful staging.
• The depth of the song could get lost in comparison with other entries evoking something "deeper" than a fun or dark melody
• That's it. 3 bullet points.

This year is increasingly reminding me of the 2013 contest. As the season progressed, we constantly had doubt among the fandom whether Denmark really was that great, because in all honesty, if Only Teardrops had been entered in any other year since then I don't think it would have won. But during 2013, it was the standout favourite among the polls where too many other songs were very much liked. The same can easily be said of this year. While Occidentalis Karma is possible not the best Italian entry since their great return, everyone has such different top 10s this year because there are sooo many likeable entries. However, the most common culprit is Italy, and this is reflected in it currently winning polls all over the fandom... and that is why this year reminds of me of 2013, and that is why I find it hard to see Italy not winning. I have zero doubt this will win the televote, but it really depends on whether the juries are digging this or not...

RATING:

My initial score: 11 out of 12

My current score: 12 (ranked #3 in my top 10)

My final prediction: 1ST (WINNER)

(This will win the TELEVOTE and finish somewhere between 3rd and 8th with the JURY)